You know what I love?

I love memories that are triggered by your senses.

For example, the smell of hand sanitizer always reminds me of when Dani (our daughter) was first born (she was in the NICU for 2 weeks so we used a whack load of that stuff!) Every time I smell it, I am transported right back to caring for that tiny little thing, and I can almost feel her so soft skin...

Every year around the end of winter, beginning of spring, I walk outside and there is this feel to the air, that reminds me of when Droid and I first met and I was realizing that I really was falling in love with this random dude I met on the internet (I know. I really can't believe I typed that sentence either. Even though it isn't as strange now as it was back then, we still cringe sometimes when people ask how we met. But that is another blog for another day) Anyways, that feel in the air reminds me of the excitement, hope and new beginnings I felt way back then.

But there is one memory triggered by my senses that I wish I could undo.

In University, I took a Mystery Fiction course. I don't know why, probably to impress Droid, but we were married at the time, so I guess I didn't realize I didn't need to impress him any more. We were reading the book The Black Dahlia by James Ellroy. It's based on the true story of a gruesome unsolved murder of a young woman. It really was a good read and was quite interesting. However, I sat down to do some research on the history and the murder in order to write my paper on the book, and I decided to have a snack while I did so. Craisons. You know, those yummy little dried cranberries?

Well, there I am munching on some craisons, googling away. And of course, horrible images come up on the screen!! Of the murder stuff! ugh! I feel sick to my stomach now just typing this out, thinking about craisons mixed with those images!!

So now, to this day, over 9 years later, I can barely eat craisons. And I try, because I like the little stinkers. But I kid you not, as soon as I look at them, I gag. I am trying to work through it, but seriously, just the other day, I opened up a new bag, and as soon as the smell hit my nose- I wanted to vomit. But, I still forced myself to put them on my salad (if you don't have any bad connections, they are mega good on salads!), but I know I made a face with every bite.

Ugh, even thinking about craisons right now I feel sick.

I'm going to go smell some hand sanitizer.